Long-time Democratic representative from Massachusetts and member of the member of the Congressional Progressive Caucus Edward Markey is the chief sponsor of a bill mandating $100 billion U.S. nuclear-weapon spending over the next decade. Not just bombs, but the nuclear triad — missiles, aircraft, and submarines — and perhaps most significant, nuclear-weapon design laboratories.

In particular, reports Brian Bender of the Boston Globe, Markey and 27 other Democratic congress members seek to kick one leg out from under the nuclear triad almost entirely — aircraft. The bill would constrain F-35 fighter planes, as well as B-52 and B-2 bombers, from serving as nuclear-weapon delivery systems, and, as well, delay production of a new bomber. Of course the nuclear weapons program would still be able to stand on its own two feet. Bender writes:

… the legislation would also require that the military and Department of Energy, which builds and maintains the warheads, to keep at least 200 intercontinental missiles and 250 submarine-launched missiles to keep a strong nuclear deterrent in an uncertain world.

Rep. Markey summed up: “We need more nuclear weapons programs like Lady Gaga needs another outfit.”

Foreign Policy in Focus contributor Paul Mutter takes issue. “The analogy doesn’t work too well,” he writes. Why? Because: “You can never have too many steak dresses!”

Oh, right. Meanwhile, this just in (again, thanks to Paul Mutter):

Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions. … Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi. … said Wednesday. … “Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran. [This] is very distressing to Iran. … After all, the United States is a volatile nation that’s proven it needs little provocation to attack anyone anywhere in the world whom it perceives to be a threat.”

Okay, it’s the Onion.